Jun

12

Loving Day

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The plaintiffs in Loving v. Virginia, Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving

Image via Wikipedia

Did you do anything for Loving Day? Do you even know what it is? From the site….

Loving Day is an educational community project. The name comes from Loving v. Virginia (1967), the landmark Supreme Court decision that legalized interracial marriage in the United States. Loving Day celebrations commemorate the anniversary of the Loving decision every year on or around June 12th.

This is personal for me.

When my parents went to get married (after this decision), the Justice of the Peace refused to grant them the marriage license, citing a state anti-miscegenation law. Lately, Mom has been adding to the story: This was a huge deal within my parent’s circle of friends. Some, excited at the prospects of making national news, encouraged them to fight the decision and sue the state to grant the marriage just like Loving v. Virginia. Other encouraged them to avoid the confrontation and attention.

In college, I found a death threat written to Mom once about her dating Dad. When I confronted her about this, she told me this was actually benign compared to the face-to-face threats and even the rifle the neighbor across the street at times trained on my dad.

So my parents were intimidated against making a similar fight. They found someone in another state who willingly married them without the fuss.

Zemanta Pixie

Jun

7

Trust and Transparency

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One of the books I am reading, Gut Feelings, made a statement:

Transparency and trust are two sides of the same coin.

without much elaboration.

To place the statement in context, Gerd Gigerenzer was writing about moral systems. Specifically, how the Ten Commandments was so effective because it they are so simple. The American tax code is less obeyed precisely because even experts cannot possibly understand every detail.

People cannot trust or obey what they do not understand. Simply stated rules are more easily understood and thus obeyed. Contrast: “You must file your income taxes by a certain date” against the whole tax code. Compare the certainty of compliance when the taxes are filed versus the certainty all the forms are completed correctly.

Maybe I need to go back and read Easier Than You Think? The beauty of the book is stating everything in a single sentence and then a short explanation for why.

May

13

Being Judgemental

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Mom sent me The Edison Gene: ADHD and the Gift of the Hunter Child for my birthday a while back. This is the latest book I have been reading while eating. So last night, I put Chelsea on the spot by asking her, “Which would you rather be judged by: what you do or who you are?” Yes, it was a trick question. More on that later.

Her first choice was what she does, but she quickly flipped to who she is. I smiled my most evil smile. The longer I smiled, the more she thought about it and was torn about which was the right answer.

The trick was, according to Thom Hartmann, our culture judges boys by a standard of what they do and girls by a standard of who they are. This dual standard ends up in boys getting overly recommended for ADHD testing. However, I see this kind of difference in evaluating people as one of the reasons for glass ceilings. People have a hard time achieving unless measured on the same scale.

So, that Chelsea could not pick prior to even hearing what it actually meant was funny to me.

May

1

Saying No

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The point of this is not directed towards anything or anyone specific other than myself. While I do use the example of IT, it is purely a generic metaphor. Probably I have spent too much time in IT and not enough diversifying my experience.

With infinite time, manpower, or money, then we could pull off whatever we wish. In reality, we rarely are blessed enough to have even large amount of one. Therefore, decisions have to be made about what is or is not feasible to accomplish.

Information Technology is a field which often is a victim of its own success. Pulling off a feat means they should be able to pull off the next completely different feat. All too often, every difficult feat is “required” so IT can continue to appear relevant. Choosing not to do it is not an option because the players in IT will just be replaced with someone more willing to say yes. Whether new management or an outsourcing vendor, someone is too willing underestimate the difficulty and agree to do the feat.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Litany against fear from Dune by Frank Herbert

I find myself in a similar situation of being asked to assume responsibilities I doubt myself capable of undertaking, but in fearing becoming irrelevant, I agree to do them anyway. From serving in the Baha’i community to getting asked to photograph a wedding, I do not say no very well.

Is this really a good thing?

Jan

20

MLK Plan

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Mom had not planned on having an operation. So she drove to the Atlanta airport last Monday. Her car is in long term parking up there.

Plan for getting Mom home from the plane tomorrow…

7:45am Arrive @ William’s house.

8:00am Leave for Atlanta.

11:00am Arrive @ Hartsfield-Jackson airport.

11:10am Park in Short Term parking.

12:25pm Mom’s plane arrives.

1:00pm Mom arrives in baggage claim in wheel chair.

1:15pm Eat lunch.

2:30pm Leave for cars.

3:00pm Depart airport.

4:30pm I arrive home in Athens.

7:00pm William and Mom arrive in Valdosta.

In the mean time, grandma is staying home. A friend of Mom’s will make sure grandma gets meds.

Jan

13

Grandparent-sitting

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Mom is off to do important stuff. So I am watching over her mom, my grandmother.

Instructions: 9 pages. Various appointments to help her make. Various medications to give her. Yeah, fun, fun, fun.

Entertainment of Choice: Rummikub

I’m planning on getting her to tell some stories for recording on my camera or iPod.

I didn’t want to call it baby-sitting for obvious reasons.

Dec

14

Social

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I screwed up a social opportunity today. A coworker and soon to be ex of a friend were at the restaurant tonight. I managed some “Hi”s and waves. Sometimes I wish I’d inherited the social abilities of Dad. Wait… then I’d have to juggle a dozen women. So much easier to be socially incompetent.

Dec

2

Type A Personality

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Earlier it was said I have a Type A Personality. Riiiight.

[T]he Type A personality, also known as the Type A Behavior Pattern, is a set of characteristics that includes being impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about one’s status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. [Ref: Wikipedia]

I will concede I am very time-conscious and somewhat of a workaholic. However, the rest sounds the complete opposite of my personality. Most consider me too laid back and needing more ambition. I’m sure if I had a wife and/or children, then I’d appear much less of a workaholic. All that seems unlikely for other reasons.
:)

Sep

8

Germane

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Maybe its intrinsic to human nature to seek our relevance. To our family. To our friends. To the world. We label those who fail to care about the impact of the behaviors on others as sociopaths. That is a bad thing in case you didn’t know.
:)

I’ve heard people are happiest in jobs where what they do has meaning to the organization. These employees must feel germane to the organization to have satisfaction. Languishing in a job with no idea how what one is doing helps anyone engenders a feeling of uselessness. Maybe even paranoia about termination could arise. By contrast, knowing the organization completely depends upon every decision made by an individual dispels fear. So many people want to work for Google because Google makes software millions of people use. We provide facilities for thousands of students to conduct their higher education at my work. Its no Google, but I am content.

Mythology, cosmogony, cosmology, and especially religion help define for us where we are in the world and especially what we can do to improve the world around us. We can even find pertinence on the Internet. The popularity of blogs, I think, lies in two things: 1) hoping others find the posts useful in some way and 2) the pertinent comments others leave in feedback.

I think for me, personally, I have not done such a good job understanding my relevance to individuals in my life. Nor have I considered the relevance of other individuals to me. Has anyone systematically done this?

Sep

3

Meningitis

Filed Under About Me, Personal / Relationships | 4 Comments

Mom wrote a poem called Meningitis recently and presented it at the TBS talent show. The poem describes in graphic detail her experience of my catching Meningitis when I was three years old. The coma. The burning to the touch. My body being kept on ice to bring down the temperature. My parents not being allowed to touch or hold me for days. The massive amounts of penicillin. The child across the hall who died (the most likely outcome) before I recovered.

I did recover. Though, as with some coma patients I had to relearn basic motor functions (at an accelerated pace). The doctors were concerned I was not talking. When I got home, I resumed talking like normal. A part of the story not in the poem is that I would point in the direction of our house with a frustrated expression. Since the room in the hospital faced such that I could see it, I didn’t understand at the time why I could not go home…. after all, I could see it.

I have mixed feelings about whether this is a private or open topic. Its deeply personal. However, at the same its somewhat abstract for me. Something that happened so long ago. I do not remember these events except as the stories other tell about me.

I am glad I survived. At the same time, when I think about the other families whose children who did not survive, I usually shed several tears. I could pass them in the street and not know who they are, but for some reason it pains me.

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