January 31, 2004
TCM 2 Play Nearby
Just found out that TCM is going to be playing just a couple months down the road in March. So tempting to go!
That Explains It
My horoscope for:
Wednesday Jan 28, 2004Might explain some dumb things I said on that day.No one including you will know what you are going to do next. Your erratic behavior will be hard to handle if you control your impulsiveness. Make a plan to accomplish certain things and stick to it. Don’t expect someone you are in a partnership with to understand what you are trying to do. Don’t let your own frustration hold you back.
Of course, I don't believe in Astrology. Just seems funny that it actually was on target.
January 29, 2004
Shirt & Tie
Realized I have not posted photos here in a while.
Something not oft seen. Me in a shirt and tie...
January 28, 2004
Timing
Have impeccable mistiming. Unbelievable skill at choosing bad dates. I mean bad engagements. I mean bad times to do things.
January 27, 2004
Stress
Find that in some ways I like stress. It is like a drug. Overcoming overwhelming problems causes euphoric highs that are better than any drug because it is all natural and good for you. Getting that headshot on the all-mighty Keef? Hacking a script? Beating a video game (or even a challenging level)? Reaching the top of a mountain? Finding some place new? Nabbing a aberrant user. All make me feel great.
At some point, reality sets back into place. It all comes tumbling down. The stress sets back into place and life continues.
Stress is not a bad thing. After all, any challenge can be won. With enough practice, I can beat any opponent. With enough study, and subject can be mastered. All it takes is stubborness to see through to the end the challenge. Once my mind is set, have enough stubborness to see any challenge through to the end.
Trouble is setting my mind. No, ADD is not why (though I would easily have been diagnosed as a child). Find that I can see many approaches to a problem. In evaluating the appropriate course of action, often I find that multiple choices are almost equally viable. When the matter is trivial to me or the results would be the same either way, choosing one or the other takes no time. When the matter is of utmost importance and the results will change my life forever, I am not willing to take the risk of choosing.
Yes, no choice is still a choice. It maintains the status quo. Usually I can live with that situation. Actually, I could live with any choice I make. Know this in my head, but don't often act upon it.
Work provides very little stress compare to personal stressors. At work, every challenge can be easily overcome with a script here, a nice email or phone call there. No matter what was thrown at me, I overcame it. Know that I will overcome everything thrown at me in the future. My bullheadedness has gotten me into a lot of trouble, but my boss usually protected me from myself and allowed me to grow into a better worker.
Dealing with friends and family has more complications, more opportunities for making messes, and no guardian angel to protect me from myself. My tendency to let things just continue until I make a decision does not help either. Make that big leap or let it ride? Out of 100, probably will let it ride 99 times.
Made one big decision last winter. Guess it is about time to make another big decision for this year?
January 26, 2004
January 25, 2004
Up and Down
My weekend...
I felt that weird rush of blood to the head. The result of adrenaline, I think. Definitely smarter. Much more arrogant. On top of the world. Felt that nothing can bring me down. Then it was time to go, and my world crashed around my ankles.Enjoyed it while it lasted. Just need to get that feeling back.
January 22, 2004
Out Of Blue
The unexplained and unexpected are so very intriguing. Facts that point to multiple and conflicting causes are the most exciting. Guess that is why I work where I do and spend time with the people that drive me insane. Keeps me happy.
Down And Out
Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks suck. Every so often some geeky technobabbling jerk gets into their head to flood our network with so much illegitimate Internet packets we are not able to cope. So here I sit... listening to Days Go By and responding to emails I cannot yet send.
Cannot do any of the requests until services work again. Still can formulate form letters. :)
January 17, 2004
Photos I Love
I don't know what it is about this photo I took back in June, but it makes me feel good. Every time I see it, I hesitate just a second and smile. Don't remember being especially happy that day or anything really special. Had taken my brother to his friend's house out in the middle of no where and just spent a couple hours driving out in the country. It was a beautiful day and saw much I'd never seen before.
January 15, 2004
Did A Stupid Thing
No, really stupid. About the stupidest thing I have done in years. So stupid that it proves my idea that I am the luckiest person ever. No, really!
Soft sand cannot support weight. Small Japanese cars do not have the traction or capability of getting out of it. So even to attempt to turn around on a dirt road where there is a gate and soft sand between is about the dumbest thing ever. I knew it before I tried it. However, I had just spend 1/2 an hour driving around the middle of nowhere to find a friend's house using only my recollection of the directions and map from several days earlier.
So my car was stuck and my efforts to get it out probably were only making it worse. This is the worst part in terms of my abject stupidity. Decided to ask for help. Walked down the dirt road to the first house and knocked on the rail leading to the mobile home. The people inside obviously did not hear so I stomped on the step and yelled an inquiry as to whether anyone was home. The lady of the house turned on the light, saw me, and freaked. Her husband was not quite as skittish, but still pretty nervous as he asked me to show him my hands and inquired about the availablity of weapons on my person and car. His dad next door had a tractor that might be able to help so he went to ask. While waiting for his dad, he asked all kinds of more questions.
I did lie here. Told him that I was visiting my friend earlier. On my way home, I realized I left something at the house and was going to turn around to go back over there. Because of the hills and speeds of cars on the highway, I didn't want to turn around in the middle of the road (this sentence is true). Didn't want to let these people know that I was out here essentially kind of lost and helpless.
The dad came, asked more grilling questions and asking for specifics. Stuff like my name, where I live, where I work, what I do. Turns out he has a web site. They pushed the car enough back with it in reverse that it was able to get traction. I turned around in their driveway and went home.
Called my friend to let him know what happened and that I am okay.
In talking with one of my assistants this morning, I found out that someone had used a ploy of asking for help to murder a family not all that far from there. Their timidity was certainly understandable. Their bravery in assisting me seems so much more impressive. The guy could have seen me there, killed me and probably not gone to prison. That is why I am still the luckiest guy walking on this planet.
January 13, 2004
Everything
Working in tech support (an having taken too many Philosophy classes), I find the following statement an interesting... "This does not work! I have tried everything!"
Did you really try everything? Perhaps everything they know is in fact everything? Very Existential point of view. Perhaps they only tried the one or 2 things someone told them to do which is "how it is supposed to be done" and thus everything they should do?
Really, if everything was tried, then why are they contacting me? All I can do is have them try everything that has already been tried.
January 08, 2004
Men2Wine
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
January 07, 2004
Foreshadowed
Came into work a couple hours early (6:30 AM). After patching, I went out to breakfast. My waitress looked really familiar. Thought she looked just like this girl that stayed with the family of a high school friend. More I thought about it, the more I decided it very well could be her.
Uncharacteristcally, I asked if she knew my friend's stepdad. Her face went white, but she acknowledged she did. I grinned. Told her I whose friend I was. She had a puzzled look. Told her we were always hanging out on weekends. Things clicked and she remembered me.
Irony of ironies. This friend last I knew was living in another state. She told me he was back in town. Well, he showed up so we could chat a bit. Awesome!
Will have to drive out to timbucktu to see his family soon.
January 06, 2004
Births
Two first cousins bore children yesterday. The children were born about 30 minutes apart from each other. Very kewl!
This makes 5 (of 15) first cousins who have produced 9 great-grandchildren for my grandmother. A third of those first cousins on that side. Just think.... if the rest of us got on the ball and had 2 kids each there would be 30 great-grandchildren! That is a lot of birthdays to remember!
January 05, 2004
Cross Burning Over Interracial Dating
Picked this article about a cross-burning out of the AJC online. What really caught my eye is the reason why the men wanted to burn a cross in Eva Hurst's yard. Her daughter was dating a biracial man. As a biracial male, I am very aware of ugly looks whenever I "associate" with a white female. There are places I am very uncomfortable going in such mixed company.
Kids hung dolls with their faces painted black at a high school about a year ago here. How are people supposed to see beyond the obvious threat to the joke the perpatrators claimed? Because obviously people are no longer racist? As long as blacks feel like second class citizens, incidents as cross burning and hanging black dolls will continue to be viewed as threats.
These recent events remind me of the death threat I found in my mother's papers from back when she was dating my father. Also, in order to get married, my parents had to leave the state because it was illegal for a nonwhite male to marry a while female. That laws is no longer around because it was never renewed under the new state constitution.
Mrs. Hurst did not believe it to be KKK activity. She is in a place to have some certainty as to whether or not the KKK was involved. However, it still was intended to be a warning about future harm should the daughter cease dating the biracial man. A copy-cat murder is still murder. This indicates the problem of racism is not limited to some fringe group and thus a larger problem.
The focus on the bumbling of these guys tries to make this a comical event. I take it pretty seriously.
January 04, 2004
Difficult
Was at the bar again last night. This regular had brought a his date (a woman) with him. Anyway, he inquired of my friend that works there is the woman he seeing was his wife. My friend escapes since he is working.
The guys asks me if I am married. Nope. Girlfriend? Nope. Why not?
W T F? No, seriously... Why would anyone ask someone this question? Told him that I am picky and a jerk. His date responded that all women are jerks. Strangely self-depricating from someone who laughs too much.
In retrospect, I think instead of saying I am a "jerk" the better label is "difficult". For instance, my secretive nature coupled with eclectic interests make me difficult to get to know. My eagerness to argue makes me difficult to stand. Throw in the extreme shyness to make me difficult to even meet. Someone would have to have to be agressive enough to break through the maze of emotional walls in place to reach me. It would be a long hard slog.
Of course, I am not really motivated to find someone. There is no overwhelming urge to find someone in order to complete me. Yeah, I feel like something is missing, but as I have managed all these years without a constantly having girlfriends or dates. Why would the next many years somehow change the survivability? Suppose that over time I might become more depressed. Would expect that the worst of that should be over by now.
January 03, 2004
Map To Somewhere
Back when I was in high school and college, I played Dungeons and Dragons too much. Also fancied writing sci-fi and fantasy stories. My mom ran across a binder of mine from 1991 with school stuff in it. Of course, this was in it too.
Who knows the story behind this? I don't... :(
Troy
The Illiad and the Odyssey are perhaps my favorite epic tales. They make The Lord of the Rings appear to be a minor event.
Of the 2,. the Odyssey is definitely my favorite. The Illiad comes in at a close second. There have been movies and TV series about the the siege of Troy and the voyage home of Odysseus. However, the trailer for the upcoming movie, Troy, actually feels epic. Something I didn't get from the recent "Helen of Troy".
Sean Bean (Boromir in Fellowship of the Ring) plays Odysseus. Throw in Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Brian Cox, and Peter O'Toole? This movie could not have been cheap to make. Warner Bros. will get my $7.50 plus another $7.50 and $20 should it be worth a second theater look and the DVD. :)
Long Time, No See
Every Christmas I encounter people I knew in high school who have come home. This time? A really nice girl that was in my gifted classes. She was very nice, always took the hardest classes, made excellent grades, and bandied a naturally nice smile. Back then, I thought of her as a younger version of my mom. Ick. Especially, since for the most part my mom and I did not get along.
Unfair description? You betcha. Never claimed to be always fair in making judgements.